Wednesday, March 6, 2013

February resolutions (how'd I do?)


It's March now, and I'm reflecting back on the resolutions I made in February: to be kind, caring, and loving toward myself and others. These goals wound up connecting more to my writing than I ever imagined.

Some little things I did:
-Sent my grandma, uncles, and parents/brother valentines
-Sent valentines to the other SU sororities on behalf of the chapter (I'm the corresponding secretary for ZTA, and I thought valentines would be a nice surprise!)

I found the self-love part the most difficult piece of my resolution this month. I had a really bad workshop in my independent study where Tom (the professor that I admire more than anything) completely ripped apart two stories I'd previously thought were solid, one I'd even used in my grad school apps. I had a few really hard weeks where I felt lost, because I had to throw out half of my writing portfolio, and I wasn't sure how to fix my stories. It was hard to not feel like a failure.

Thankfully, I'd already received my Chatham acceptance, but I couldn't help playing negative mind games with myself. What if Chatham has no standards? What if they accept everyone? I had no idea what to think about my writing ability, and it didn't help that I was surrounded by the most talented writers in the department in my novel class.

I'm feeling more confident now, especially after attending the Chatham open house. I asked the department head a question (How many MFA students come from a creative writing undergrad background vs. a non-writing background?), and in her answer she said that if you were accepted, the department wants to work with you. You might not be perfect, but the department sees potential. So that reassured me.

A fun thing that ZTA did this month was a self-confidence workshop and photoshoot. We all made signs for another sister, saying what we love and admire most about them. I thought it came at the perfect time; how did they know that self-love was part of my February resolution?

Photo credit: KAMera Designs

3 comments:

  1. You are NOT a failure. You are so far from it, and I'm not just saying that because you're my friend. I'm saying it because you are a truly talented writer with a gift for painting beautiful pictures with your words. Always believe in that. <3

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  2. Congratulations on your progress, girl! Don't be so hard on yourself. Just try to look at the positive side: you have an amazing professor who tore your story about because he wants to help you. It wouldn't be good if he liked every ounce of it! It's just a reminder we can always, always improve!!

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  3. Thank you both! <3 I'm definitely in a better headspace than I was last month, and I know I'll improve because of my professor's critiques in the long run. Love you both! :)

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